The Greatest of These is Love
by Cindykins
Summary: Kate is recovering from her suicide attempt in the hospital and comes back to Blackwell. She's still not quite stable, but looks to Max to comfort her. She sees Max as her guardian angel and close friend, but is there something more to it? Marshfield. First fanfic. Set after episode 2. Currently this is being rewritten. Authors notes for more details.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Notes: Since I got some good reviews and such from this story I decided to actually finish The Greatest of These is Love (TGOTIL) the way I wanted to finish it and add more to it. I guess you could say that it was in beta and now being remade into a longer and better story.

Original story will stay on AO3 for now, but changed here on FF.

It's going to be mostly the same with Kate struggling with her sexuality. The main differences is that we will speculate that she might have been raped by Nathan.

This is just speculation for now until the story develops more.

There will also be another huge change and a personal theory of mine for the video along with a chapter or two added after the original ending with one being Kate's biggest fear which is coming out to her mother.

Also I totally forgot that Samuel is the maintenance guy, so Kate's bunny is renamed to Grace. Sorry I forgot about you Samuel.

I guess trigger warnings for this chapter. I do not go into detail about rape and doubt I ever will. It's just Kate thinking that if it's true that she had sex with Nathan then she was raped.

This is AU/ other timeline, but I do try to keep it as close to the game as possible.

Reviews before 5/22/15 are from the original story before the reboot. Feel free to leave fresh feedback.

Fellow gamers are totally welcomed to add me on Steam if they play PC.

I don't own Dontnod Entertainment, Square Enix, or Life is Strange. It would be hella cool if I did, but nah. I'm just a huge fan. Especially for everyone's favorite pure cinnamon bun.

Please enjoy.

Chapter 1: **Jeremiah 29:11**

I was woken up by the rays of light from the sunrise. Today is the last day at the hospital and I'm grateful for it. It's been a rough two days recovering from what would have easily been my first and last suicide attempt.

What lead to it? A video. I don't even recall the events that had happened in the video.

I just wanted to have a good time and was curious to see what the Vortex Club was about. Hayden had invited me to join them for a party and I was excited to go.

But what was supposed to have been a good night ended up being a nightmare. Even now I struggle to believe it was me in that video.

When I watched it I couldn't believe it was me. Kissing strangers. I was a slut. Sure, I wasn't having sex in the video. But you don't have to have sex in public to be a slut.

Victoria, Taylor, Courtney and others were awful to me because of the whole ordeal. They wrote "Kate twerks for God", "Kate is a class A slut", "Holy Whore", and "Kate has sex for God" around the school and dorms.

My denying didn't help, but I still can't comprehend it happened. That girl in the video wasn't me. And yet she was me.

Still, I truly believe it wasn't me kissing all those people. No one believed me.

There was also lots of gossip that I did more than kiss and with Nathan.

If this is true I might have been raped. Of course the gossipers don't call it rape since I was "willing" due to the drugs, but I can't help but to feel disgusted with myself if it did happen.

I don't want to think about the idea that my virginity was possibly taken from me. From someone I didn't love. In a time where I wasn't ready. With an unstable mind. I blocked it out to keep my sanity.

These series of events lead to the beginning of a nightmare I could not wake from until Max, my personal guardian angel, woke me.

Speaking of Max, she has been visiting me every day. Leaving me gifts, balloons, my favorite chocolates, and taking care of my rabbit. Max claims I'm a good pet mom, but I feel pretty bad about leaving my rabbit, Grace, alone.

She also brings me notes and homework for the days I've missed in class. Max never writes notes. She usually does doodles. But for me she actually wrote down what was said and done in class. It's really sweet of her.

My father has visited me. He was so worried. I felt awful worrying him so much. He knows about the video, but claims to have never seen it. I'm not entirely sure I believe him, but I'm glad he checked up on me. I refuse to tell him more of what might had happened with Nathan.

My mom hasn't spoken to me since the incident. I'm sure she's upset. I'm not sure if it's because my image is tainted or if she's just worried.

Dad told me my sisters have been busy and wanted to come, but couldn't. I think it's for the best that they didn't come. It feels awful to be so weak in front of those that look up to you.

At the hospital I've been talking to a psychiatrist, Dr. Johnson. Not long after my suicide attempt I was told to talk to him by my doctor.

I was hesitant. I never talked to a psychiatrist and I don't want to be judged more.

I don't want to be mentally evaluated when it's obvious that I'm still broken down.

I don't want to be told what to do to make things seem better since I doubt anything will be truly fixed.

At least that's what I felt.

Dr. Johnson was actually very understanding and kind. He knows about the situation. He said he hasn't had the chance to see the video since it was taken down.

I'm so glad. The video being taken down feels like a huge victory and a step to things being back to normal.

Assuming I could be normal again.

I told Dr. Johnson about the writings around the school, the bullying, my new label as a slut, and Max.

I told him that Victoria and her friends would call me a "slut". That I would "want to hook up with anyone that would let me".

How everyone judged me after watching the video.

And that they would have thrown paper balls at me with taunts.

How even Nathan said that I should comeback for an "even better" time with the Vortex Club.

I feel gross and terrified. I still don't entirely believe that the girl in the video was me.

Even if I was drugged I still have a hard time grasping if that's how I'd act.

I question if I'm secretly some sort of nympho and that drugs triggered my true sinful nature.

Ugh, that would be disgusting if I did do something sexual and enjoyed it.

In all honesty I want to maintain the mental block of the idea of being raped.

I don't want to believe it since there isn't any evidence and I didn't want to take a rape kit test.

I don't want to know the truth. I want to believe that's it's just mindless gossip.

I didn't bring it up since it wasn't in the video. I know that unless I say I might have been raped then the authorities wouldn't bother investigating it.

I think this is best. I'm causing enough trouble already.

So I kept that detail from Dr. Johnson.

I don't know if my life can ever go back to normal. I admitted this to Dr. Johnson.

He said that it's hard to be accepted in school.

I told him about how religious I was. He assumed that due to my religious beliefs I might have been a target for Nathan.

That my clothing were modest which probably made me stand out. He was probably right, but I don't see that as a reason for drugging me.

So after discussing the situation he told me to accept what had happened and try to slowly move on.

If I accept the turn of events and my behavior and forgive myself then I should be able to move on.

Supposedly.

That's going to be a challenge.

He also suggested that to socialize and improve my self-esteem. That I should spend more time with Alyssa, Stella, Warren, and Max. Max. Dr. Johnson asked me about Max. A lot. It actually made me uncomfortable, so I asked him why he was so curious about her.

He said that I always smile when I say her name and an even bigger smile when I talk about her. I told him how she saved my life. How she was always on my side during the whole ordeal. That she believed every word I said about what had happened and protected me from people like David Madsen.

I gave him details on how she saved my life. That I was disgusted with myself and had the intention of ending it all by jumping off the roof. But Max was able to guide me back to reality safely. She was a true friend.

Thinking back it was weird that she knew my favorite Bible verse, _Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest, Matthew 11:28_. I guess by God's grace she just knew what to say.

And it was the perfect verse for what was happening. I was weary and unstable and I relied on Max to help me. I will admit that no matter how I recover my relationship with her will not be the same.

Today's visit with Dr. Johnson is the last one. I walk to the couch in front of him. "Good afternoon Ms. Marsh" he said politely as he's done since I've been here. "Today I would like to follow up on you getting better and what steps you can take to get there."

I hold onto one of the pillows nearby.

He can tell I'm nervous. "Don't worry Ms. Marsh. I promise it will get better. Now let's go over what I said yesterday. Ah, right." He says while looking at notes. "You need to spend time with friends. I know it might be hard since you probably don't want them to see you in this state. But I promise it's for the best." He continued.

"I also want you to especially spend more time with Max. She's a positive influence for you. No matter how bad things get I'm sure you can always look to Max to help you." He shuffles through more notes "I also want you to keep a journal and write out your feelings. It doesn't have to be public at all. Just something to let it all out."

He looks at me for a minute like he was going to suggest something I don't like. "I also have to make you choose, Ms. Marsh. I can either write you a prescription for anti-depressants or you can see me twice a month or you can come see me twice a week with no medication. I can't let you go without either option. I don't want to risk having something bad happening to you."

He paused.

"I promise that either option you choose I will try to make it short as possible, but first your wellbeing is the top priority."

I stay quiet and look away. I'm not sure what I want to do.

Personally, I think his suggestions and prayer would be plenty. _Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up,_Luke 18:1.

I do feel somewhat comfortable with Dr. Johnson.

I look back at him. "I will just see you twice a week, sir." I replied.

He nods and writes something down. "Okay Ms. Marsh. This concludes our last session while you're in the hospital. I will have you discharged and you can schedule for our next appointment at the front desk." He stands up.

I stand up quickly and a bit shaky from my legs falling asleep. He opens the door and lets me walk out first.

As much as I enjoy freedom from the hospital I am scared of Blackwell. How people will treat me after the incident.

How my professors view me since I went from quiet and studious to school slut and mental case.

How could it not be what the school is talking about? I probably seemed crazy up there.

I will just pray a little extra when I get home and try to let Jesus handle it. I definitely want to see Max when I get there.

I just want to give her a hug and feel safe in that embrace. Even if it's just for a moment.

I sent Max a text telling her that I was coming back today. I haven't sent a message or anything to anyone else. I don't feeling like seeing anyone, but Max.

I'm scared of where I left off Alyssa and Stella. As for Warren. I feel that it's going to be okay with him. His actions seem to be based off of how Max acts anyway. And Max and I are doing well.

I walk off of the bus with my belongings.

My hair is in a messy bun since I haven't had the energy or desire to put it up. I probably look off to everyone. Or maybe no one will notice me.

I'd be grateful if Victoria or Nathan don't notice me.

I get a reply from Max. "I just cleaned out Grace's cage and I'll be in your room waiting. Don't worry. I didn't have anything important today. : )".

After reading the reply I bump into someone. I look up. It's Dana. "Hey Kate." She says. "that's a huge smile you got on your face. Did something good happen at the hospital?!" she seems happy for me. "I'm just glad to be back at Blackwell." I lied.

I'm not happy about being back here, but I'm not sure how else to write off my smile. I didn't even realize I was smiling.

"That's great. Well I have to be somewhere, but hey, let's catch up sometime? Bye." She says while walking off.

I continue to the dorms.

Surprisingly, there's no one in the front. No one hanging out. Even Samuel was not around.

I open the front door and go inside. It's quiet and empty here as well'. I walk towards my room.

I look at some of the whiteboards.

On my right I see Stella's, _"Kate, just want you to know you're in our thoughts ."_. Sweet Stella. I really shouldn't avoid her.

On my left to Taylor's, _"Praying for a fast recovery Kate 3_". Interesting.

Dana's says "_Waiting for you Kate_." I wish I talked to Dana more. I rush to Max's board. I'm curious about hers.

"_Tyger! Tyger! burning bright, _

_In the forests of the night. _

_What immortal hand or eye,_

_Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?_

_Blake, for Kate Marsh"_

Max is such an artist. I touch the edges of her board. I miss her so much.

I skip Victoria's board.

Finally I come to my room.

I am so eager to see Max, but I look at my board. Even though I know nothing bad will be on my white board it still hurts to remember all the horrible things that were written on it not long ago.

"We_ miss you. Get well soon. I hope you get better. Blackwell is praying for you. I'm sorry Kate."_

_I'm sorry Kate._

I can't help but to tear up a little. I didn't think anyone would apologize. Ever. Yes, it is anonymous and on a white board, but it's much more than I ever thought would happen.

Today has been a blessing.

I open the door slowly. On the bed I see the cutest smile on my favorite person. I missed her face so much.

"Hey Kate!" she says happily.

"Hi Max. Thank you for everything. I'm not sure where I'll be without my super hero." I said as she stood up to give me a hug. "It's not a big deal, Kate. I'm just a everyday super hero. Anyway, how are you feeling?" she asks.

"I actually feel well." I said. "I ran into Dana and she seemed good. I actually haven't seen anyone else." "I saw everyone's white boards. Well I didn't see Victoria's, but everyone has said kind messages. But I don't think I'm really ready to see everyone yet." I said as I looked at my hands on my lap.

"No worries, Kate. It can just be us today. Plus we still have to have some tea together. Maybe some movies or something." She looks at me.

She's wearing her white tank top with the doe on it and a light gray jacket. I look at her face. I love how her freckles bridge over her nose making her blue eyes seem to pop out. I also like looking at the shape of her lips… her lips? I must tired.

"I think we should just watch a movie. I'm pretty exhausted." I reply. "Alright. Let me get something for you to just relax." Max says as she gets up to leave to her room.

I lay across the bed.

I don't feel well. At all. I'm aching all over. My stomach hurts.

Maybe I should just skip the movie with Max.

Maybe some sleep will help.

But I'm also afraid. Afraid of someone coming in and yelling at me. Calling me a whore or resurrecting the video. Nathan coming in. Something.

Even with a locked door the doors here are pretty easy to open if someone really wants to break in. Maybe I should ask Max to stay. I don't want to bother her.

I've already burdened her.

I look around the room. It's clean.

Grace's cage is fresh. Everything is nicely put in its place. Like I never left.

Max did a great job maintaining this place. I couldn't ask her for more.

Could I? I shouldn't.

Max walks in with a USB in her hand and her laptop. "Hey, Max?" I say meekly. "What's up Kate?" she asks.

"I don't think I'm in the mood for a movie. I just want to lay down. Just lay down and think or sleep. I don't know. I just don't feel well. I don't want to do anything except just be on my bed. I don't know what's wrong with me. Max. I'm sorry. I don't know." I said as I panicked.

I wasn't sure where I was going with this conversation. I just want to lay down and feel safe.

She looks at me worried. Please don't worry, Max.

"Kate. Are you okay? It's fine if you don't want to watch a movie. It was lame choice anyway. You seem nervous. Want me to stay? We can talk about it or we can just relax." She says worriedly.

"Maybe…. Maybe you should stay. In case something happens. Or something." I looked away.

I feel the bed slowly decompressing from her weight as she gets on. I sense her next to me as I face the wall.

"Don't worry, Kate. It will get better. You matter to a lot of people. Me, Stella, Alyssa, your dad, sisters, your mom, and so on. We all just want you to be taken care of and be happy." I hear her say.

I turn to look at her. Her eyes on mine. I can feel my heart racing. Most likely from the anxiety of this entire situation. I continue to look into her gorgeous blue eyes.

Then my eyes trace her freckles on the bridge her nose then down to her soft, pink, and gentle lips…. Lips? I need to stop. If I keep staring she's probably going to think I'm weird or gay for her or something.

I look back up to her eyes. She smiles.

She stretches out one arm on the bed. "Come here, Kate. I don't bite. Not hard anyway." She laughs. "I'm kidding. Just come here and get some snuggles." She says.

I wiggle closer to her and she wraps her arms around me.

Then I realize something.

I love Max.

I love her more than a friend.

I know I've been in denial about it, but it's becoming so hard to deny it.

I love her so much, but my affections for her are gross.

Homosexuality is gross. It's a sin. It's wrong.

Max is also straight. She'd be so disgusted and leave me if she knew.

I can't let her know.

I feel her arms tighten around me.

"You are shaking." Max says. "I didn't like how nervous you looked either. Just relax. It's going to be okay. It's perfectly fine to just lay in bed. I'm here for you and I'm not going anywhere."

I start crying while wrapped in the warmth of her arms.

I am scared of Blackwell and the Vortex Club.

Scared of Nathan and his drugs.

Scared of the video and everyone who has hurt me.

Scared of my romantic feelings for Max and losing her.

Scared of everything.

Except Max herself.

She's my only enduring comfort.

My guardian angel that God sent.

**_I call on the Lord in my distress, and he answers me_**__**Psalm 120:1**

**_For God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-discipline._****2 Timothy 1:7**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Proverb 3 5:6

When I woke up I could feel the enclave of Max's warmth around me. I had fallen asleep in Max's arms last night. I spent last night crying until I was too tired to cry anymore.

Max was with me all night holding me close to her. She kept comforting me by repeatedly telling me that everything is going to be okay. I want to believe her. I truly do.

I look up to my wall and see the sun shining an orange glow on my wall. I try to move to stretch, but Max is still asleep and on my left arm. I don't want to wake her even though I should since she has class today.

I don't have to go to class today since I just got back yesterday evening from the hospital. Principal Wells sent an email yesterday stating that I can use today to readjust to school again.

I look at Max's sleeping face. She's so calm.

I'm tempted to wake her up with kisses all over her face. I know that would be the worst idea ever.

She might wake up scared. Wondering who is giving her random kisses in the morning. Probably freaked out that's it's me.

I move my arm from under Max decide to do a quick prayer.

I close my eyes. "Dear Lord Jesus, please forgive me" I whisper. " I know that I have sinned plenty and hope that you forgive me for I am atoning. I am sorry that I had almost died because of my own selfish desire to die. I was having a hard time at school and I wanted to run away. It was like a nightmare that I could not wake up from, my Lord." I feel some tears falling from my eyes. It's hard to talk about it sometimes. Even to God. "Please forgive me for I know that I should have looked more to you and ask more of your strength." I want to continue, but I hesitate.

I look at Max to make sure she's asleep. Her eyes are close and her face seemingly at peace. I swallowed hard.

"Dear Lord, please forgive me for my…" I pause. "For my sinful thoughts lately. I know you sent Max to save me and I am eternally grateful to have her. I think I am confusing gratitude with" I pause and looked at Max again. She's still asleep. "With lust and unwanted desire." I say quickly with my eyes closed.

I pause. "Or perhaps I just love her." I shake my head. I know that homosexuality is a sin. Even if I did love Max I know that it's not right. Sometimes what makes us happy just isn't good for us. Simply cannot be meant to be.

"Sorry my Lord. I know better than to question the Bible. I hope that with you I can push aside these thoughts."

"Amen" I whisper. I sigh.

That prayer actually made me a little feel better despite the obvious embarrassment and the risk of Max hearing. Admitting your sins to yourself is the first way of getting rid of them, right? For my sake, I hope so.

_**Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.**_ Philippians 4:6

I gently tickle Max's tummy to wake her up.

"Hey sleepyhead. You have class this morning." I say

She yawned and rubbed her eyes. She turns over and asks me to give her 5 more minutes.

I tickle her again and tell her that she still has to shower and get dressed. "Okay. You're right Kate" she groans.

Max is so cute. Sometimes I wish things were different. Maybe this would be easier if I was a guy. Not that I actually want to be one. Men are pretty gross.

I decided to go on ahead to take a shower in the bathroom while she goes back to her room to get ready.

I am ready for a relaxing day. Maybe I'll read a book. Who knows.

I decided to go take a shower pretty early to avoid everyone on purpose. I don't want to be hassled. I'm still scared of Victoria and her group.

I don't think that Victoria herself is evil or bad. She just has some inclination towards hurting others. Maybe to make her feel better? Attention?

I'm not sure. What I do know is that I almost died because of her hurtful actions and words. I know I won't forgive her now, but someday. Maybe. I can forgive her.

I walk into the graffiti filled bathrooms. Despite the lack of cleanliness it felt nice to shower back at the Blackwell dorms.

It's been home for the past 3 years. My parents sent me here since it was the best school in Arcadia.

I love my family a lot, but I was happy to get away from them. Even back then my mom was always strict and always seemed to want to go for a fight. I never fought her, but sometimes her opinions irritated me.

Last Christmas my sisters and I were watching CNN and a few states allowed gay marriage.

Personally, I don't mind gay marriage. As long as it's not being forced in our churches then I have nothing against it. My mother had very different opinions.

"Homosexuals should be sent to jail or killed" my mother said while walking into the living room.

I recall my sisters and I were sitting on the couch when the news anchor talked about states passing laws to legalize gay marriage. Of course my mother wanted to input her opinion when she heard.

I stayed silent. I didn't agree with her, but I wouldn't say anything. I try to be a good kid to my parents. The 'mature' oldest daughter who was always good.

Lynn actually stood up and said "Mom! That's awful! Mark 12:31. We must respect everyone even if we disagree."

Our mother looked at Lynn and walked towards her. "Lynn. Honey. It's disgusting. Those people aren't people. They are perverts and a disgrace in God's eyes. Why are you even defending them? Are you a pervert?" she says then grabs Lynn's arm.

Lynn pulls away. "No mom. I'm just defending them because you're just being so hateful. I mean what if I was that way? Or Kate? Or Allison?"

Lynn's face shows a softer expression. "You could be hurting one of us and not even know it mom. I think you should just drop it. It's not like you can change legislation anyway. The whole thing is moot." Lynn says as she sits back down.

My mom is still angry, but leaves it. Lynn is right. It's not like mom can change the new laws.

Mom goes back to the kitchen to continue cooking the Christmas dinner while we continue watching the news. I also recall that we had delicious honey ham that year.

I finish taking a shower and wrap my towel around me. The door opens.

I really hope it's not Victoria. I don't want to see her right now.

I look to see who it is and it's Alyssa. "Hey Kate." She says.

She hesitates. "How are you? I didn't know you were back already. "

A pause.

"I'm glad you're back and you look good. I mean not like good cause you're naked with just a towel and that would be weird. But you look like you're happier. Yeah."

I forget how awkward Alyssa can be sometimes.

I smile and tell her thanks and wish her luck for her class today.

She nods and I push the shower curtain back for privacy. I need to finish getting dressed.

I walk back to my room and Max was sitting on my bed.

"Hey Kate! I forgot I don't have class this morning. Mrs. Hoida is still out sick. So no English class." Max says.

"Oh yeah. I forgot she was out. You still need to get ready for the rest of today. I'm sure that you don't want to miss out on science class with Warren." I say teasingly.

"As much as I hanging out with that goofball I'd rather stick around for you, Kate." She replies with sincerity in her eyes.

Of course I want her to stay, but she really shouldn't be skipping classes or use me as a reason to skip.

"Max, come on. You know you shouldn't be skipping class. I'll be fine here. Promise." I say.

"You better be okay when I get back." She says. "We totally need to get some tea or something."

"Y-yeah. I'll wait for you. Text me whenever and I'll answer. I'll call if a crazy emergency happens or something. Just go get ready." I say trying to urge her to leave. Her replies are making me want her to stay.

She smiles and gets up. "Okay. I just hope today isn't going to be hella long."

Max laughs "Ugh. Sorry. I didn't mean to say hella. One of my best friends is rubbing off on me. See ya, Kate."

After Max leaves I sit at my desk.

Who is Max's 'hella' best friend? No Kate. No. Don't be jealous. I'm sure her friend is just a friend.

I open up my laptop and check my email. There was a message with no subject on it. I open it.

_I know the truth. The girl in the video isn't you. That doesn't mean I won't stop watching you Kate Marsh. Be careful._

What kind of email is this? Who would be watching me. I get up and check the window. I don't see anyone. I look around the room. What the fuck?

Who is the girl in the video? How is she not me? Who is she?

I should just brush it off. It's got to be some sort of prank. Maybe Nathan or Victoria are trying to mess with me. That's got to be it. I shiver.

"There's no one watching you, Kate" I say to comfort myself. Well, Max is watching over me. But that's different and I don't mind at all.

She's my guardian angel. My hero.

If anyone tries to mess with me I know she can take them or at least try very hard to protect me. She's tough like that. I love that about her. Her willingness to help is just so cool. She cares and it's genuine.

I pick up some books and notice a book I have not seen before. I open it and it's a journal. Who's journal is this? Max's? Did she leave it here?

Or has someone else been in my room while I was gone?

I look through it to see if I can identify the owner.

October 7, 2013

_**This will be the weirdest journal entry I will ever make. So weird I don't know how or where to start. But it started with the most vivid dream of my life.**_

I continue reading the journal. A tornado coming to Arcadia? That rarely happens. I continue skimming.

_**I hid in the corner and this punk girl came in and they started arguing about drugs and money. Then Nathan actually whipped out a gun and SHOT the girl.**_

_**This is where it gets strange.**_

_**When Nathan fried the gun. I came around the corner and reached out for some dumb reason, as if I could stop the bullet. But suddenly I could feel the world around me and this pressure in my head, everything seemed to rewind and I found myself right back in class at my desk!**_

Is Max taking drugs or is this some sort of weird messed up fictional story?

_**Then the girl came into the bathroom, and before Nathan could shoot her I smashed open the ancient fire alarm and scared both of them away. Victory!**_

Max triggered the fire alarm that day?

_**Everything feels so surreal right now. I can't talk to anybody about this, well... The only one I could, I haven't seen in five years. I could confide in Warren, he's smart and knows science, so maybe he could even think of an explanation. Though I have no idea what that could be.**_

_Until I can figure this out, I better stay on the down low with this stuff and focus on my classes. _

I wish she confided in me once in a while. I feel close to her, but I get the vibe that she isn't so open with me.

_**I also saw David Madsen hassling Kate Marsh. I couldn't hear everything, but he was accusing her of something. All that guy can do is point fingers! I got so pissed I went over to stop him from being such a bully. He's a security guard, not a stormtrooper. He was an asshole (as usual) but I felt good about what I did and Kate seemed truly happy that somebody stood up for her. And I did that without using my rewind power.**_

Max. You're the best. Even if you think you have some sort of weird time power.

_**Then the "girl in the bathroom" pulled up in a truck. My former best friend, Chloe Price.**_

So her 'hella' friend is a girl. The one she supposedly saved with her 'magic time powers'. Max has an amazing imagination.

October 8, 2013

_**I'm just so glad Chloe and I are a team again. That has to be destiny.**_

_**Destiny…**_

My stomach tightens a little with a light gasp. I have a feeling that Max might be into her friend. She makes it sound like they were always meant to be together. I am jealous of Chloe, but maybe this is good. If Max has someone else then I can forget about her. Romantically of course. I would never stop being Max's friend.

_**I ran into Kate in the showers and she asked for "The October Country" back. I love that book and definitely need to get my own copy. Of course when I was in the shower, Victoria and Taylor barged in and totally started ragging on poor Kate about the video. Just to be complete assholes they wrote the link on the mirror.**_

I remember Max talking about that. She was the one who erased it before anyone else saw it. Max is the best. Always protecting me.

_**I truly don't understand how they get off on acting like that. Victoria has EVERYTHING. What does she gain by being a bully to Kate Marsh? We're supposed to be adults here, but I swear it's like "Battle Royale"—just without the dystopia and exploding heads. Only Victoria could make me feel dirty in a shower.**_

_**Ugh.**_

It's okay Max. I giggle. Victoria makes me feel dirty all the time.

_**As if things here weren't dramatic enough, I got a creepy text from a private number. Nathan? Victoria? No clue. I really have to start watching my back.**_

Is Max is some sort of trouble? Why hasn't she gone to the police? She hasn't told anyone about the texts.

_**Kate admitted that she thinks something more happened to her than just a video. Plus she told me that Nathan Prescott gave her a ride from the party to the ER... and she thinks he did something to her, but she doesn't remember what.**_

I start feeling numb inside. I don't want to think about what Nathan may or may not have done to me.

_**It's hard not to believe Kate considering what kind of person she is and what kind of person Nathan is. I've seen for myself exactly what that fucker is capable of.**_

_**Of course, Kate asked if she should go to the police and the principal...**_

_**I felt like absolute shit, but I told Kate she shouldn't go to anybody until she has more proof she was drugged. That video doesn't help her case at all and this could all backfire big time. She's going up against the whole Prescott empire, not just one rich white boy on dope. She wasn't too thrilled by my answer. I don't think she trusts me to be the one investigating all this... How can I blame her? I sometimes wonder what I am actually doing, besides getting myself in more trouble... Kate even booted me out of her room. Hello, "Everyday Hero"!**_

Oh Max. I'm sorry. That day was just too much.

_**He did try and get me to go to the drive-in with him, and I refused. I'm not really in the mood this week, and I also don't want to lead him on….**_

She doesn't like Warren? I guess that means Chloe has a chance…

_**Some skeevy guy called Frank. He demanded Chloe pay him back... or else. I was shocked that he wasn't the loan shark I had expected, but I could literally feel his bad vibe. I still can't see how my best friend ended up involved with a loser like Frank.**_

_**And I almost shot him.**_

Max…

_**He pulled a knife on us and it felt like another one of my dreams. I don't even remember aiming the gun at him, but my finger just tapped against the trigger... Thank God there were no bullets left. I could have used my rewind, but the way my head was throbbing... who knows? I can't assume my power will always be available...**_

_**So it probably wasn't the best idea to lay down on the tracks and wax about life, etc.—as Chloe's leg got caught in the rail just as the goddamn train showed up.**_

_**Then I heard Chloe SCREAMING for help. And I was shittin' kittens.**_

_**Her foot was stuck in the damn rail and naturally the train was comin' round the mountain.**_

_**I was pretty proud of myself for coming up with a drastic (if not destructive) solution to saving Chloe—ONCE AGAIN—but just in case this journal ever falls into the wrong hands, it's going to remain our BFF secret. So there.**_

Chloe sounds like a mess. Why does Max like being around her so much?

_**I saw Kate having an intense conversation with Mr. Jefferson and she ended up practically running away from him in tears. I wish I could have casually asked, "Oh by the way, what's up with Kate?" (Like he would tell me anyway.) I know Kate treats Jefferson like he's an apostle or something... So what did he say to make her so upset?**_

I was asking Mr. Jefferson for help. I wanted him to step in and talk to Victoria. He refused. It felt like no one wanted to help. I felt hopeless.

_**Kate Marsh almost killed herself.**_

_**My hands are still shaking, but I have to write this down while I can. Right at the start of Jefferson's class, Kate went to the roof of the girls' dorm to jump. Every student and teacher was watching her, like it was a Blackwell rooftop concert.**_

_**I saw her actually jump, but I was just about able to use my rewind to get her back on the roof. I tried harder than I ever did and somehow I stopped time completely... I made it to the roof, but again my head felt like it was going to blow up... I knew that I couldn't just keep rewinding to save Kate. I had to try and talk her down on my own.**_

_**She was already in so much pain over the video and all the bullying, so she wasn't going to buy everything I tried to tell her. You see movies with people trying to talk somebody out of suicide, but it's very different when I'm the one doing the talking. I covered everything I could and Kate almost jumped anyway. Cliché or not, I told her how much her friends and family love her, even if they don't all show it now.**_

_**Lo and behold, Kate stepped back from the ledge. Alive. I almost cried in her arms.**_

_**Still, I told Warren that something ominous is happening at Blackwell Academy. Rachel Amber, Chloe and now Kate have all been victims. Not to mention me, if I keep playing amateur detective. Wish I could have let Warren know about my power, but it's not the right time... as if anything is the right time anymore.**_

_**And to make the day end on the most surreal note possible, the sky went dark and we watched a solar eclipse that was not announced on the news or any astronomy site.**_

I don't think this is a fictional story anymore, but I'm not sure what to think. Time powers? Solar eclipse? Snow? Rachel Amber? The Vortex Club? How are all of these linked together? I hope Max doesn't get hurt or worse… I don't think I can handle losing her.

October 9, 2013

_**I remember when my journal entries were about which anime character I wanted to be. Or my dreams of being a respected globe-hopping photographer. **_

_**I am blowing off my Blackwell homework to research everything I can find on Kate Marsh, Rachel Amber, and the esteemed Prescotts.**_

_**Shudder.**_

_**Speaking of fear, I still think about Kate and the sadness in her eyes on that roof. I'm so grateful she's alive. I love seeing the students at Blackwell show their support for her with gifts and flowers. Finally.**_

I was amazing to wake up with the gifts. I stop reading to cry a little. Just to let the feelings out. Max is so amazing. Even if this journal sounds a little crazy I know she is trying her best.

_**So, yes, I broke curfew to hook up with Chloe. She said she had something to show me... Looks like it's time for some serious detective work.**_

_**Enter The Blackwell Ninjas!**_

Wow. I know Max is a nerd, but this is really _really_ nerdy.

_**As I stealthily made my way out of the hall, I passed by Kate's door and saw all the nice messages from other students. Too bad most of Blackwell didn't care when they passed around the video and bullied her to that roof. Everybody always cares when it's too late... At least Kate will see that people are on her side... finally. I hope I can visit her when all this blows over... Maybe that's not a good choice of words.**_

I smile at that passage. I'm so grateful to her…

**Even though I thought I was in "full ninja mode," Chloe still scared the shit out of me, which pissed me off considering what I've been going through. Sometimes she's so damn insensitive to other people's feelings.**

**She wants all my attention for her and finding Rachel and she gets all butthurt if I don't have time for her. Obviously I have time in hand. But I can't stay mad at her for long and she was so damn excited about having the keys to the main building. And honestly? I was pretty amped up too.**

_**Even more so when we went to the front of the building and spied on Victoria talking smack about me (shocked!) and worse, actually trying to blackmail Mr. Jefferson to pick her photo for the "Everyday Heroes" contest. She is freaking unreal...**_

_**I give Mr. Jefferson major respect for telling her to get lost, even though she deserved to be expelled for pulling that crap. This is her priority after what happened with Kate? I just don't understand Victoria**_

Victoria is so heartless.

_**Chloe just can't help herself and she actually wanted to take five grand in cash marked "handicapped fund" ('cause that's gotta be legit, amirite?)—I can't think of a faster route to karma hell, but it would have paid off Chloe's debt to Frank... I stopped her, but it kind of bothers me that Chloe can be so selfish like that. I'm not going to let anything happen to her, but I can't just let her do anything she wants... "Mad Max"? More like Mommy Max...**_

Max has great morals. I know that she calls me a good mommy for Grace, but Max would be such a fun mom.

_**WE SHALL SWIM. We didn't completely skinny-dip.**_

Ah, no no no. Kate. Don't imagine Max in her underwear. Maybe just one thought… "Kate Beverly Marsh!" I said out loud to scold myself. I keep reading. I slightly hope for more details. Shit. Shoot, I mean. I really hope that God doesn't listen our thoughts when we don't beckon him.

_**I love that Chloe brings out the "just don't give a fuck" side of me. Even if that hasn't always served her well. She deserved a moment of not giving a shit. Me too. Just two friends goofing around in the pool. I fear those youthful shenanigans might soon be a thing of our past... God, I'm starting to sound like one of the teachers at Blackwell...**_

_**Chloe and I had a nice chat about our lives since I left... We talked about dumb boys and girls and why they're trouble... especially for me. I feel like a groupie when I talk to Chloe about our life experience... she has me so beat. I take pictures, she takes action.**_

It's easy to tell Max cares so much for Chloe. I think Chloe is a mess, but Max obviously sees something else in her.

_**Speaking of experiments, Chloe dared me to kiss her... So I did. She probably thought I'd wuss out. Why? It wasn't that big a deal. Though it was cute the way she was kind of embarrassed after and said she would tell Warren.**_

My eyes widen. What?! I can't believe they kissed.

Not a big deal? Max. I know it's a big deal to you.

_**Besides, I think Chloe sees Rachel Amber in her future...**_

So Chloe loves Rachel. I'm sorry Max. I wish I could be with you. I want to be with you.

But it's a sin. It's wrong. I'm sorry, Max.

_**Joyce actually called me "Rachel" which just seems so wrong considering how beautiful she is and how boring I am.**_

I don't see why Max thinks that. Rachel was cool, but Max is so unique and beautiful. I would take Max over Rachel any day.

_**No surprise that he had detailed files on Kate AND Rachel listing their whereabouts along with surveillance pics.**_

Mr. Madsen is insane.

_**Despite David's evidence and the bracelet, Chloe refused to believe Rachel was involved with Frank. This is a part of Chloe I don't much like: she gets so damn petulant if she doesn't get her way. Or if she hears something she doesn't like. Serious denial.**_

Rachel was with Frank? I could have sworn that I heard she was also with Chloe and supposedly Mr. Jefferson. How is Rachel Amber everywhere and yet nowhere in sight?

Oh. Does this mean Max has a chance with Chloe? I… I hope they make each other happy…

_**I just wish I could use my rewind power to go all the way back to the days when we were covered in pancake flour... Life was simple...**_

October 10, 2013

_**I fucked up. Through an old polaroid Joyce gave me I was able to go back in time to when Chloe's dad was still alive. I thought if I saved him I could spare Chloe the pain of losing her dad and everything would be great. **_

_**When I came to Victoria called me Maxine. I was in the Vortex Club. Warren was dating Stella. I ran to see Chloe. William was alive, but Chloe…. She was paralyzed. I have to be in some messed up dream. It just has to be. I hate Chaos Theory. I want to go back.**_

_**Chloe and I talked for a little bit. She admitted that she thought I might have forgotten about her since I left Arcadia for Settle and that I wouldn't want to hang out with her because of her disability. **_

_**Alternative Chloe is so different. She's sweet, patient, and forgiving. She smiles. Chloe never smiles unless she's being mischievous.**_

_**I am so conflicted. **_

_**Alternative Chloe is happier, but my actions took away her freedom. Previously Chloe was emotionally messed up, but she could have changed. She could have forgiven everyone and just move on with her life. She could walk on Arcadia beach. She had the ability to drive a car. Chloe had so many possibilities and she just was so stuck on blaming everyone.**_

_**Now that her life is actually messed up she is so kind. **_

_**I don't know what to do.**_

_**When I finally go back to Blackwell I find Victoria waiting for me. I don't know if I can get use to nice and clingy Victoria. Is alternative Victoria basically like Warren?**_

_**Apparently she bakes me cookies. Which is great since Victoria stole mine.**_

_**Alternative Warren and I aren't friends here. He also likes to skate and isn't a nerd. He's even dating Stella. Weird. He's like a Justin or Trevor.**_

_**Alternative Courtney is the queen bitch here. I guess she's the new Victoria.**_

_**The biggest surprise of all is that alternative Nathan is super nice here. He isn't weird. He's actually a bit of a nerd. He collects anime figurines and plays D&amp;D. He's definitely a Warren.**_

_**I ran into alternative Kate. She's wow. She's so not Kate. She's like a Chloe. She had tattoos and is a total punk. She wears band shirts. When I tried talking to her she told me to fuck off. **_

_**I wish Kate could see this since this change was the most ridiculous. **_

_**I ask Victoria about Rachel. Apparently the Rachel here is the same amazing person. I hope she is the one missing. I could meet her tonight if I go to the End of the World party tonight.**_

_**I'm not sure what that is, but I don't ask about it. I don't want to raise suspicion. I had already weirded out the Vortex Club when I was in shock from coming to this time line.**_

_**The End of the World party was crazy. Ton of drugs, awesome music, and dancing. Even nerd Nathan was out of it.**_

_**Once I found Victoria she finally introduced me to Rachel. Rachel Amber immediately recognizes me and pulls me aside.**_

_**Unfortunately she isn't the Rachel Amber from my time, but it turns out she can time travel as well.**_

_**She use to come to my timeline a lot since the Vortex Club there had the craziest parties. Evidently Chloe mistook her for her Rachel. Alternative Rachel got to know Chloe and fell in love with her. **_

_**Despite both Rachel's being similar in personality and mindset they had quite a few major differences. Alternative Rachel is the only one who can time travel and she's also the one who had a romantic relationship with Chloe. Of course, Chloe can't tell the difference. **_

_**The Rachel Amber from my time did not like the Vortex Club and was hella into drugs. She was good friends with Chloe, but is apparently heterosexual. She was weirded out by Chloe's advancements which is probably why she went off with Frank. **_

_**Alternative Chloe feels awful about it since she messed up their friendship. If she wasn't in my time having fun then Chloe might have not gotten the wrong idea about the original Rachel.**_

_**Alternative Rachel still loves Chloe.**_

_**From what she told me alternative Chloe is sweet and happy, but she isn't our loveable trash. I do love Chloe, but I feel that alternative Rachel Amber is the best match for her. They're such a team.**_

_**I wanted to ask more about their relationship, but she revealed some more information.**_

_**Alternative Rachel told me that she likes to mess with different time lines including mine. Her powers are far more advanced.**_

_**She can even take people with her to different time lines. The catch 22 is that if both individuals see each other in the same time line then both will cease to exist and the universe will rewrite itself in place of their absence. **_

_**Nathan from my time knows alternative Rachel. Apparently Nathan is one of her favorite people in my time line. Gross. It seems like they are so close though.**_

_**Apparently Nathan would also keep tabs on the Rachel from my time so that alternative Rachel can hang out with the Vortex Club and Chloe. **_

_**Rachel admitted to me that one time she took punk Kate to my time line to a Vortex Party. In order to prevent alternative Kate from meeting my Kate, Nathan and alternative Rachel devised a plan.**_

_**Alternative Rachel and Nathan agreed to invite nice Kate to the Vortex Party. Then drug her and hide her while Rachel, Nathan, and punk Kate had fun. **_

_**So Kate was right. The girl in the video wasn't her. It's her alternative self. **_

_**Even if she was drugged there was no way it could have made her act the way she was in the video. Punk Kate is definitely trouble. I guess both Rachels likes to hang out with the troubled ones.**_

_**I told alternative Rachel about what had happened. Her and alternative Kate did not know that a video was taken. Granted they were drunk, but they did not realize that they're actions would hurt Kate from my timeline. Especially to the point of suicide. They haven't visited since then.**_

_**I wish I could tell Kate about this.**_

_**Rachel told me that there isn't a Max Caufield here. When I came to this alternative time it was like memories and a persona were created just from my coming here. There was not a Max here before that. Rachel believes that somehow I was created for a specific purpose.**_

_**To find the Rachel Amber in my timeline. **_

_**How? **_

_**Alternative Rachel told me that the Prescotts found out about her powers, but took the original Rachel instead. She said it messed up Nathan. He's struggling a lot with the guilt. She also thinks that when he sees Rachel he sees her, so imagining what his parents are doing to her has made him fickle and tense. **_

_**Alternative Rachel believes that since she couldn't save her the universe or God created Max Caulfield to save Rachel. **_

_**That couldn't be true? I was there the entire time back in my time, right?**_

_**Apparently this isn't true. **_

_**Alternative Rachel said that Chloe never mentioned a Max Caulfield. There were no pictures, drawings, or anything. She said that from what she gathered Chloe and Rachel were best friends since childhood, not me and Chloe. **_

_**I'm not sure if I believe her on this. Out of all the theories and confessions I heard tonight this one definitely took the cake. **_

_**I asked her how she knew this. She told me that she can retain her memories due to her abilities just like I can when I came here. **_

_**This is a lot for one night. **_

_**After the party I went back to my timeline from a photo I took before I went off and saved William. **_

_**Even though I'm still processing information I have to work in gear to save Rachel Amber. Okay Max. Now it's time to a hero!**_

October 10, 2013

_**Now I'm back home. Victoria is still a bitch and Kate is coming back from the hospital today. I'm so glad. I don't think I can handle nice and clingy Victoria anymore.**_

_**The plan of action is to talk to Nathan. Now that I know the truth I should ask him about Rachel. Where she is being kept. Maybe, find out if she's still alive. **_

_**Then I'll get Chloe and we'll bust in and save the girl! I can't tell Chloe about what had happened yet. After all of this is done I will tell her everything that had happened. **_

_**There is also still the tornado issue. So much is just going on. I don't know how we can fix it all, but we can do it. **_

I turn the page and it was blank. I go through the journal some more and it seems this is where Max left off. This is just a lot to take in. I'm still in disbelief that it's real. If it even is real. I'm not sure if I really understand what's going on.

My mind is just a jumbled mess of information.

So whoever emailed me knew that the Kate Marsh at the party wasn't me and Max was created for some sort of hero destined fate to save Rachel Amber?

I'm still just in disbelief and I need to relax.

The knob on the door shakes and I hear someone opening the door. It's Max.

"A ha! There's my journal! Oh, hey Kate." Max pauses for a moment. "Did you read it?" Max inquires.

"Y-yes. It's definitely an interesting…. Story. I mean there can't be two of everyone. That would be pretty crazy, yeah? I mean the whole alternative punk Kate is also pretty ludicrous, right? There can't be two Kate Marsh at one party? I mean I remember it. Kind of. That's got to mean something?" I saw nervously.

Tears start falling down my face. My anxiety is getting worse from remembering the Vortex Party. I can't help, but to shake as well. It's just so overwhelming.

Max walked up to me and wipes a tear off my face. "Kate… I'm sorry. It's a lot. I know. I'm still figuring it out myself." She grabs her journal and looks through it.

Max sighs. "I'm sorry Kate. I think it's best that you forget about this journal. Right now just…. Just isn't the best time. I need to focus on saving Rachel. You don't need anymore burdens."

She proceeds to hug me.

"Please Max. Please don't let me go." I say while crying into her chest."

"Don't worry Kate. I'll make you forgot about what's written in this journal. We'll get through it all. Baby steps. Promise." Max holds me tighter.

To my disfavor Max lets me go. I look at her with my tear stained face.

She reaches out her hand as if to grab something.

"I'm sorry, Kate. I'm so sorry."

It felt as if time itself has stopped to heal the pain of what was read in that journal.

_And we know that in all things God works for the good__of those who love him, who__have been called__according to his purpose. _Romans 8:28

_Trust in the__Lord__with all your heart__  
__and lean not on your own understanding;__  
__in all your ways submit to him,__and he will make your paths__straight._

Proverb 3 5:6

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to give you prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:11-13


End file.
